Common Scents and Science

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I once placed a personal ad. We’ll call it an experiment. I liked the perfume Poison at the time. I didn’t know anyone who wore it, but my theory was that if I liked it, the woman who wore it and enjoyed it would likely share a romantic chemistry with me. I reasoned that because perfume preference was intensely emotional, other preferences and the entire personality would follow and be pleasing as well. I supposed one can’t prove or disprove a theory with a single data point. But I didn’t have any desire to continue the experiment.

So, when the novel and then the movie Perfume came out, I was intrigued. The subtitle scared me though: The Story of a Murderer. The film is visually beautiful, but it received mixed reviews because it’s a movie where it is impossible to relate to or feel sympathy for the antihero, Grenouille. He says, “The soul of beings is their scent.” “The intoxicating power of the girl’s smell made it clear to him that he must learn how to preserve scent.” He murders women in search of the perfect Perfume. He is captured and sentenced to execution. On the day of his execution, Grenouille is brought before the crowd wearing the perfume made from the virgins' scent. This essence of love and beauty induces the executioner and the crowd to declare him to be innocent. How could someone who smells like the innocence of a virgin be guilty of anything? Yes, very far fetched, but hey, it’s not science.

Maybe it’s a guy thing. Science says that even sperm have a sense of smell, in fact, a very good sense of smell. A study in the journal of Analytical Chemistry (reported in Discovery News) proved that their sense of smell is so good that even a highly diluted ovarian scent will cause the little boys to turn tail and swim in its direction. The researchers used mouse sperm, but are confident it’s a man thing.

Another study at the University of New Mexico hinted that perhaps men can tell (albeit subconsciously) when a women is ovulating. A psychologist by the name of Geoffrey Miller had the genius idea to get funding to go to the strip clubs. Seriously, if you can believe this, he took his colleagues to area gentlemen clubs and counted tips on lap dances. (Listen up, this is all in the name of science.) They apparently then interviewed the women and asked them if they were on the pill and when their last menstrual period was. (Apparently this type of pick-up line actually works.) What they discovered was that the amount made in tips on lap dances was directly proportional to their fertility: $70 around the time of ovulation, $35 while on the rag. (Women on the pill averaged consistently at the low end because the hormone mimics early pregnancy.) The researchers suspect there is a correlation, at least in part, between tips and body odor. THIS is science.

So what should we do with all this information? How can we apply this practically to our everyday lives? Women, keep that thermometer and calendar handy so you know when you’re ovulating. Mark that as the day to ask for your raise at work. Know that you are glowing. You are invincible and men are under your control! Men, before you tell a woman that you like the scent she’s wearing, consider that it may be Poison, or even Obsession, but then again, she may just be ovulating.

Fall